Conditional Reality

If you ever crossed Charlie Brown, he’d have you popped. Or maybe he’d pop you himself, just to keep his hand in the business. The baseball team would win every game they ever played. Linus would know how to strangle you with his blanket. Lucy would help Charlie Brown with his guilt about offing members of his family. Pigpen wouldn’t last two episodes; all the other characters would be disgusted by him and have him whacked. Snoopy and Woodstock would beat up people who were late paying their debts to Charlie Brown. Lucy would never ever pull that football away.