30 September 2006
Astronaut
You start in medias res, a green sky above your head and ground made of living tissue at your feet. You board the rocket to go back. Stars stream past your hair. You need to get home to tell everyone about the planet you found. The rocket dances with comets. You go over the notes, photographs, and video clips you made. You swing with the rocket. Back home you are a child. The world turns you into a celebrity. You babble about life out there. It’s amazing, you tell them, utterly beyond comprehension. The people around you look like aliens.
Labels: Astronaut
29 September 2006
Astronaut
Some of what they’ve listened to: The U.S. Air Force theme, “A Little Traveling Music, Please,” sung by Barry Manilow, the theme from Mission Impossible, “Hello Dolly,” sung by Jack Jones, John Philip Sousa marches, some Stevie Ray Vaughan, “We’ve Only Just Begun,” by the Carpenters, “Danny Boy,” Russian folk ballads, “Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother,” sung by Jerry Jeff Walker, the theme from Rocky, “Bohemian Rhapsody,” by Queen, many Beatles songs, The theme from Star Wars, “Shiny Happy People” by R.E.M., “What a Wonderful World,” by Louis Armstrong,“Doctor! Doctor!” by the Thompson Twins, and, of course, Bach.
Labels: Astronaut
28 September 2006
Astronaut
A fluke (pilot) is a parasitic flatworm that lives inside snails (capsule). Certain species of flukes possess a life cycle (flight plan) that requires them to migrate from the snail to another animal. They accomplish this by altering the snail’s brain (operating the controls), making it a light-seeking animal. Snails normally avoid light, but under the expert guidance of the fluke, the snails climb to the tops of plants where birds eat them. Bad news for the capsule, but good news for the pilot. The fluke lives on in the bird (a new world) which then distributes the fluke’s eggs.
Labels: Astronaut
27 September 2006
Astronaut
We needed material for our sculpture. We went to an old folks home and found a decrepit old space traveler. I’ve been to the moon, he said with defiance, I circled the Earth from hundreds of miles up. He tried to stamp his feet but he was much too weak. We picked him up off his wheelchair and carried him out of the facility. No one tried to stop us. We took him to our studio and propped him up next to our giant models of the planets. He glared at us, clearly pissed. He looked very much at home.
Labels: Astronaut
26 September 2006
Astronaut
The rocket hiccuped. It never refueled. It scratched its own skin. It let its passengers out for short walks on leashes. It roasted in the sun. It kept its interior cool and well lit. It got bored. It ate light. It ignored tiny impacts. It sneezed periodically. It never wanted to come back home. It died many times. It stopped for hitchhikers. It felt empty much of the time. It liked to think about the old days. It enjoyed having its picture taken. It planned to run for office one day. It moved along gravitational wells. It fit the universe.
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25 September 2006
Astronaut
During space flights they liked to wear sunglasses. That way the autograph seekers wouldn’t recognize them. Fame had its price. Also, the sunglasses protected them from the solar radiation that poured over them. Not that that was such a bad thing: it gave them beautiful visions. Some of them designed their own sunglasses and decorated the lenses with tiny paintings of planets—Saturn was specially popular—and even tinier paintings of spaceships and rockets. Once they returned to the ground, collectors tried to attain the sunglasses. But there was a code they lived by: never give up your sunglasses. Never.
Labels: Astronaut
24 September 2006
Astronaut
We found a planet that was inhospitable to us. This did not bother us. We set about transforming it to suit our needs. We altered the climate, introduced vegetation we approved of, and removed most of the existing animals, which were ugly and brutish. It wasn’t our fault the ship ended up where it did. And we were not about to fade to nothing. Some of our people did not approve of our methods. They broke from the group and altered themselves, modifying their bodies so they fit into the existing ecosystem. We mourned their decision, then hunted them down.
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23 September 2006
Astronaut
We found some papers in our great grandfather’s effects that claimed the Earth was hollow and that a cave at the base of Mount Adams in Washington state afforded access to the interior. We found the cave and descended into it. A great rush of cool air rose up from its depths. We held our lanterns high and continued down. Weeks later we arrived at a ledge from where we saw a vast bubble of air, too large to take in, and illuminated by giant luminescent creatures, floating like jelly fish. We took deep breaths and stepped off the ledge.
Labels: Astronaut
22 September 2006
Astronaut
Tips for space travelers: •Call mother before liftoff. •Very important: Remember to pack spacesuit. •When the cameras and microphones are on, remember to talk and behave like a hero. •After every spacewalk, carefully count crew. •Pack a few cheesy trinkets for their kitsch effect. •Don’t complain about the food. Everyone complains about the food and it gets really boring. •Don’t ever scream, no matter how scary things get. •Be nice to the people on the ground who are in charge of getting you back home. •Take time to look out the window. •Compliment everyone. •Thank your lucky stars.
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21 September 2006
Astronaut
The crew radioed down to mission control: You aren’t going to believe this, they said, but we’re pretty sure the capsule is haunted. Nonsense, said mission control, just continue doing your experiments. Also, don’t forget your very important exercises to prevent bone loss. The crew did as they were told. The next day they told mission control their capsule was still haunted, and they were getting pretty spooked about it. Mission control then told the crew to make friends with the ghosts. Have you seen these space ghosts? said the crew. Do you have any idea what they feel like?
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20 September 2006
Astronaut
We had identified a colony of returned space travelers in the Houston, Texas area. We thought some fieldwork there to determine the viability of a full scale anthropological study was in order. To that end we approached the department head with a detailed proposal. She gave our project a thumbs up. We were elated, and immediately set about acquiring the necessary apparatus for the expedition. We should remember, we told each other as we labored over video cameras and digital sound recorders, that we will be studying a tribe unlike any other. They do not think the way we do.
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19 September 2006
Astronaut
You get in your car and drive. Anywhere. It doesn’t really matter how far or how long. That’s the American way: we always believe in the future even when the evidence is against it. They, the astronauts, got in their capsules and soared, looking for the future, too. They lived a slightly skewed version of the American way. They took their own air with them. How cool is that? They didn’t want to come back, but gravity and dwindling supplies had their own agendas. The thing is, we saw with their eyes. Their stoic expressions came from carrying our weight.
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18 September 2006
Astronaut
Aunt Ardick collected moon rocks. They fell out of the sky and landed on her roof, where she heard them roll down the shingles and drop off the eaves and into her garden. Aunt Ardick had nothing against moon rocks, but didn't see that they needed to be on her property, so she packed them up and carted them down to the university, where they had a department of exogeology. The scientists accepted her gift with great interest. Have you been to the moon? they asked. Don't be smart asses, said Aunt Ardick as she hit them with her cane.
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17 September 2006
Astronaut
It became fashionable among well to do families in the mid twenty-first century to send their infant children on a single orbit flight around the Earth. The idea was promoted by a clever marketing firm. This sentence: Is your baby a child of the universe yet? was the basis of their extremely effective campaign. There was such a long waiting list that many were turned away. Those who made the flight were called star children. The craze ran its course. The star children grew up. Most of them never let their own children out of their sight for an instant.
Labels: Astronaut
16 September 2006
Astronaut
On the hundredth anniversary of the first moon landing, the ghosts of all the deceased astronauts appeared at Cape Canaveral. They boarded the rusty old Saturn V rocket that was on display for tourists, and began a countdown, all of them chanting in unison. People by the thousands gathered to watch and listen. The dead astronauts continued their chanting. Five, four, three, two, one, zero. Liftoff. The old rocket shimmered then rose and went straight up. Crows and herons followed the rocket until it disappeared. Then they returned to the Earth and lived quietly, built nests, and raised their young.
Labels: Astronaut
15 September 2006
Astronaut
Stopsign Thunderegg lived in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. One day a retired astronaut moved into the house next door. Stopsign took an apple pie over as a “welcome to the neighborhood” gift. The astronaut received the pie with gratitude, invited Stopsign in, and immediately began telling stories about space walking, losing tools in orbit, and seeing the Earth from space. Stopsign listened politely, then told the astronaut that to grow any kind of garden in this climate, you really had to amend your soil and pick your seeds very carefully. Huh, said the astronaut. Is that so?
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14 September 2006
Astronaut
Rosie didn’t give up her job after the war. She went on from riveting to designing aircraft, and then to running the aerospace division of her company. When NASA started up, Rosie volunteered to be one of the first astronauts. She and the six other recruits became known as the Sisters Seven. Men were restricted from the astronaut corps because they did not have the necessary stamina for space flight and space exploration. Rosie was selected to command the first moon landing mission. As she stepped off the lander, she said: Thank you Luna, for receiving us with such grace.
Labels: Astronaut
13 September 2006
Astronaut
It was the best birthday ever. Me and my friends went to the moon. We bounced around in the dust, then I exposed myself to vacuum. Only for a short time, and only a small spot above the wrist. The sun burned a dark brown circle into my skin. I knew my parents were going to kill me for doing it, but you are only young once, right? Later we went to one of the original moon landing sites and took a guided tour. It was so boring. The footprints were all gone and the spaceships looked like broken toys.
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12 September 2006
Astronaut
Doublefish Clickladder heard about life after death, but never believed it. Then he was struck down by a heart attack and had to have surgery. During the procedure, when they stopped his heart, Doublefish had the sensation of separating from his body and floating up through the ceiling of the operating room to the roof of the hospital, then through the roof into open air. A long ragged cord of light snaked from his navel back to his body. Doublefish looked up at the sky. He saw the bright paths of satellites tracking past Mars, like truck drivers waving hello.
Labels: Astronaut
11 September 2006
Astronaut
We arranged couch cushions on the floor, tipping them on their sides for walls, and placing a large one on top for the roof. Then we crawled inside and pretended we were in a spaceship. No windows. Spam in a can, but a can of our making, which gave us a feeling of power. The universe passed by on the view screen embedded in one of the cushions. The voyage took centuries, so we had ourselves frozen. The spaceship will thaw us out when we get to the planet, we told each other. Our voices were muffled by the cushions.
Labels: Astronaut
10 September 2006
Astronaut
I found a snow globe in a junk shop once. It had a little astronaut figure inside, with an orange space suit and a helmet like a grasshopper head. The figure stood on a striped curved surface, meant to suggest a planet. Beside the figure a cute little spaceship squatted on four spindly legs, clearly modeled on the lunar landing vehicle from the Apollo program. As I shook the globe and held it close to my eyes, I saw that the “snow” particles were tiny stars, swirling lazily around the astronaut’s head, which was lifted skyward, suggesting something like prayer.
Labels: Astronaut
09 September 2006
Astronaut
Death doesn’t think much about the latest trends. A black robe with a hood was good enough way back at the beginning and it still works now. Death is steady. Always has been. Death will go anywhere. It doesn’t matter. Death will ride a rocket into orbit, and tap at the tiles with the end of the scythe, giggling all the while. Sure, it’s gruesome work, but if you can’t take pleasure in your labors, then what’s the point? If the astronauts had heard that quiet tapping, they might have known. They might have decided to just stay up there.
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08 September 2006
Astronaut
During space flights they see pinprick flashes of light streak across their field of vision when they close their eyes. Not a lot, and not all the time, but often enough that they report it. They are seeing cosmic radiation; tiny particles from distant stars have traveled for millions of years to pass through their eyeballs. Think of it. Astronauts have their own private mini planetariums, swiveling around in their skulls. Back on the ground, the absence of the streaks is a reminder: above the atmosphere, there’s nothing to protect you. Air is all we have for our ultimate defense.
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07 September 2006
Astronaut
They get born. They grow up. A lot of them are from Ohio, just like a lot of presidents. They get pilot’s licenses. They read about space in science fiction stories. They join the military. They fly planes. Some of them shoot down other planes and drop bombs. Patriotism numbs the horror. They get recruited by NASA. Giant centrifuges try to crush them. Bring it on, they say. Then the ride on a pillar of fire. Deadly environments surround them. They are protected by a thin stretch of metal, barely thicker than aluminum foil. Many of them have no words.
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06 September 2006
Astronaut
Stovetop Freefall built model rockets. She was ten years old. Her rockets launched payloads of insects hundreds of feet into the air. Stovetop recovered the payloads and awarded the bugs medals to honor their bravery. She looked forward to the day when she would sit atop a rocket and be launched aloft. That day never came. Stovetop grew up and decided the bugs had done that for her. There was no need to repeat their experience. Instead, she painted portraits of the bugs. No one bought any of her pictures, but Stovetop didn’t care. She did it for the bugs.
Labels: Astronaut
05 September 2006
Astronaut
Stonearch Sugarcane had been a trash collector for years. He lost his job when the small company he worked for was bought by a larger outfit that fired the old employees. Stonearch treated his misfortune as early retirement, but grew bored doing nothing all day. He applied to be an astronaut. After rigorous testing and training he was assigned his first flight, a trip to Mars. The catch was that he would not be coming back. Stonearch was okay with this. I’m going to be the first man to die on Mars, he said. How many people can say that?
Labels: Astronaut
04 September 2006
Astronaut
The first astronaut (or cosmonaut as the Russians would have it) was abducted from the homeless population of Moscow. She was Laika, a mongrel stray dog, who was subjected to an extensive training regime that included confinement in very small cages for up to three weeks at a time, which drastically disrupted her health. She was sent into orbit aboard Sputnik 2 in 1957. Laika lived less than six hours after launch, dying of stress and overheating in a capsule that was never intended to return to Earth. Soviet officials kept her cause of death secret for over forty years.
Labels: Astronaut
03 September 2006
Astronaut
They spent their careers in capsules, at least the part we saw. Before they even existed in real life, we knew all about them from movies and comic strips. We acknowledged the necessity of their nerdy spacesuits and how they would float around up there, laughing the whole time. Later the real ones lived in our TVs. They stepped out of them, occasionally, and sat with us in our living rooms, watching as rockets exploded, spacecraft arced here and there, and parachutes dropped them to the ocean. Then they returned to the TVs, their glass capsules, perfect vacuum tube habitats.
Labels: Astronaut
02 September 2006
Astronaut
The awesome grandeur and beauty of the biosphere from space, blah blah blah. The novelty of weightlessness, blah blah blah. The crummy food, blah blah blah. ESP experiments done without permission, blah blah blah. Golf on the moon, blah blah blah. The special circumstances of voiding waste, blah blah blah. The incredible isolation of space, blah blah blah. The experiments on frog eggs that yielded knowledge we could not have attained by other means, blah blah blah. Docking maneuvers that test hard won skills, blah blah blah. Finding spirituality upon returning to earth, blah blah blah. Teflon, blah blah blah.
Labels: Astronaut
01 September 2006
Astronaut
From The Oxford English Dictionary: One who travels in space, i.e. beyond the earth’s atmosphere. 1929 Jnl. Brit. Astro. Assoc. June 331 That first obstacle encountered by the would-be ‘Astronaut’, terrestrial gravitation. 1954 N. Y. Times 4 Apr. The escape velocity from the earth is 25,000 miles an hour, yet astronauts talk glibly of achieving it, though they are fully aware of the heat that will be generated. 1961 Times 6 May President Kennedy spoke to Commander Alan Shepard by radiotelephone a few minutes after the astronaut was delivered by helicopter to the deck of the aircraft carrier Lake Champlain.
Labels: Astronaut
